A New Life The bitter New York wind sends shivers throughout my body. My foot almost slips as the unforgiving gust of wind whips my untrimmed brown hair through the air. The stars are drowned out by the vast city lights that fill the skyline above the icy water. My hands grasp the cold metal of the suspension cables, filling every curve and crevice. The city is busy, the streets are full of thousands of people scrambling for a new life as cars fly by behind me. The gusts of wind are traveling right through my skeleton, the cars are moving a thousand miles an hour, and the current of the rushing river is deafening. I see the reflection of the skyline on the water, the thought of a new life is so promising. Lady Liberty is standing tall in the distance, the tour of the statue was always Alice’s favorite no matter how many times we went through it. I take my wallet that consists of two pictures, one of Alice and the other of Cassie, and a wrinkled piece of paper, and place it on the concrete. A passing car slams on its horn, startling me and shaking my body from its stiff position between the cables. Silence fills the world that was once so loud and I see a light. “Leave if you want to leave, I am not stopping you from pursuing your dream, but I can’t come with you.” “Alice this is my chance at a new life.” “I hate New York and I already have a life. Why do you want me to give that up?” “To be with me Alice! We have a future!” “Our future isn’t in the city, but yours is. Go and maybe we’ll meet again one day. You’ll be just fine without me, a big shot business man with the thousand dollar suits. I shouldn’t be the reason you miss out on that.” My biggest regret of walking out on the love of my life played on repeat in my head for five years, until fate would bring us together again. “Hey stranger! You’re just going to walk on by and not even say hello? A little rude don’t you think?” Alice was right about one thing, our paths would recross. She had moved up to New York in search of me, and before either of us knew it, everything fell back into place and our life together sprung into action. “I love the ferry ride to the statue, it might be the only thing I like about being in New York besides you.” Time felt like it happened in an instant as we fell deeper in love with each other. “I do.” I cried on our wedding day, gazing at how breathtaking she was as she floated down the rose covered aisle. “It’s positive! We’re going to have a baby!” There is nothing in this world I loved more than my daughter, she was so much like Alice. “Daddy I love the ferry! Look at the statue!” Just like her mother, her wide eyes centered on Lady Liberty. Her favorite thing about living in New York was the tourist attraction. “She’s lying to us can’t you see? She’s hiding pills in her room, do something for God sake!” Alice found a stash of narcotics in Cassie’s dresser for the first of many times. Neither of us knew how to deal with it, but even when we attempted it was like Cassie couldn’t hear us. “Cassie overdosed last night, she’s in the hospital and I’m sending her to rehab.” Alice took our sixteen year old daughter’s course of treatment into her own hands. We fought every day, and even in rehab hundreds of miles away, Cassie was driving a wedge between us. “Get out of my house and go to hell Cassie!” I will never forgive Alice for the day she kicked Cassie out onto the streets to fend for herself while battling addiction. After my wife had found out she relapsed, it broke her. She decided for the both of us that this was the last straw and that Cassie was done with our support for good. “I’m sorry for your loss but she is with God in heaven now.” Standing over my seventeen year old daughter’s dead body broke my spirit. Time stopped and my world shattered. I resented Alice for kicking her out of the house, Cassie would still be alive if Alice had just let me love her. I watched as she cried, but not into my shoulder, I was no longer the person she leaned on. “Don't put the blame on me! She died because she was an addict, not because she got kicked out!” It’s like she couldn’t even see me anymore. We lived in silence and the days were painfully long. Our vows said that we would never part, and although she is here physically, she’s not with me anymore. “Please for Christ sake I don’t want to talk about it right now, okay? I need a break from the arguing.” She was mourning just as much as I was and I was faulting her for the entire situation. She was hurting, she missed Cassie, and she did blame herself for a long time. I watched as she sat in the blue flower printed chair, staring down at the same page of her book for an hour. I looked at the clear glass table at the center of the room and noticed that a picture was missing from its silver frame. My wife had been staring at the picture of Cassie inside of her book, forcing herself through her death over and over again. “I need a divorce. I know what our vows say but I just can’t get through this with you.” A divorce. My heart dropped to my stomach and I couldn’t breathe. I choked as I tried to find the words to make her stay. My world shattered like a puzzle being tossed on the ground and my thoughts ran wild. I loved Alice, but instead of showing that to her I blamed her for something she could not control. I isolated her from our marriage and now she is finding her own path. The love of my life is turning into a woman that I once knew, someone who will soon exist only in my memory. I pleaded for her to stay, and she did. She resented me every single day she was with me, leaving it clear that I could not repair the damage that I had already done. “I love you with every fiber of my being. You are truly my soulmate, the father of one amazing daughter with a grim fate. I love you but please let me be free, I need a new life.” I let her go because in me she saw Cassie. When she looked into my eyes she relived the death of our daughter. I released her from the chains of our marriage so that she could forgive herself, and forgive me. The toll that our daughter’s death took on our marriage was too great to be repaired with simply an apology. It was a goodbye, to our daughter and to each other. Alice promised to never stop loving me, and she kept that promise. She stayed with me even when it tormented her, but I had to love her enough to let her go. The silence is calming and my body becomes weightless. The horn continues to honk repeatedly and eventually fades out as my body lunges off of the bridge and toward the frigid river that lies below. The scrambling people have disappeared, the city lights have transformed into stars, and the cars become passing memories. I see Lady Liberty overlooking the big city that was once my chance at a new life. Just before my body hits the water I remember my wallet that was left on the bridge. A picture of Alice with a gleaming smile on the ferry and one of Cassie from her sixth grade graduation, grinning innocently with her pigtails. Beside them, a note that reads: You will forever have a hold on my heart, you are my high school sweetheart, love of my life, and soulmate. The day that you followed me to New York, my whole life changed. You are the light of my life, I gave you all of the love that I had to give, and you gave me the best life I could ask for in return. The ferry rides to the statue, where we would laugh and reminisce about the old days even while we were still growing up. I will never forget our wedding day, standing at the altar hand in hand. I knew you were the only person that could make my life complete, we vowed to always smile through the hard times, to continue to grow no matter how far we’ve come, to always stay by each other’s side, and to never stop loving each other. The day that I knew we were going to have a daughter, I knew that God blessed me. Cassie was so much like you, and I loved her more than I could have ever imagined. She loved the ferry, and she loved us. She took a wrong turn somewhere along the road, but it is not your fault. Cassie was sick, she needed help that we couldn’t give her. She lost the battle against her own mind. Do not blame yourself, she is on to a new life. I am sorry for not helping us prevail through the grief. The time when you needed me most, I pushed you away and placed the blame on you. Keep this picture of Cassie to remember the amazing little girl that we raised. You need to be free from the shackles that I have placed on you since her death, I was too afraid what would happen if I let you go. I love you Alice, more than words can say. I am leaving this world to move on to a new life, one where I can see our daughter. Please ride the ferry for me and Cassie, I love you. Goodbye. Artist Statement1 in 5 adults in America suffer from a mental illness at some point in their life. Depression is a disorder that has plagued many, and these people fight the battle every single day. “A New Life” conveys the themes of divorce, addiction, and mental illness. Our protagonist and narrator is left unnamed to represent the many people that go unseen and unrecognized in their fight against mental illness. Our main character is led to a grim fate that is the unfortunate reality for many. Too many times, mental illness goes unnoticed, and this short story is simply one step in raising awareness for those who continue to fight the battle that no one knows about. ;
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